I'm just going to come right out and be honest. I read Week 5's chapter on the bus this morning and felt my defences go up. It pushed lots of buttons I'm not ready to have pushed. It questions my beliefs and my spirituality, but moreover it questions my belief in myself. This week is going to challenge me.
I can't say for certain if it was as a direct result of my early-morning resistance to the tasks or not, but my day gradually deteriorated into a fug of annoyance and disappointment. A few people I've been depending on let me down, then one of the venues for my tour contacted me as they've had their funding cut and have to cancel my booking, and to top things off the printshop belatedly revealed a bit of a stooshie which has resulted in my marketing materials going out very, very late — so late, in fact, that I risk playing to a half-empty house next week. I was determined not to get angry or emotional and to be passively accepting of all these circumstances, but as the day went on I felt like it was Kris v. The World: and I was losing.
I'm lucky I have good friends and acquaintances. I had a catch up on the phone with Karen, I received encouraging words from Linda and David. All three of them are right. Shit happens. It's how we deal with it that's the real measure. Some of the things don't actually matter. I'm an interminable perfectionist and idealist, and I sometimes set my sights too high. It's a good quality to have, but it really is to my detriment when I'm not seeing the results I'd hoped for.
Would could be done? Well, by that point in the day when I'd gotten my knickers in a knot, nothing much, to be honest; it all has to wait till tomorrow. When I finally accepted that it was out of my control, I went for a walk, enjoyed some fresh air and a beautiful sunset, ate my favourite noodle dish then had some coconut ice-cream for dessert. All was suddenly well with the world!
I'm going to re-start the week tomorrow with a fresh outlook and a more optimistic demeanour. I might even tackle this first set of tasks.