I've just had a nice, leisurely dinner (I had a voucher to use up from months ago) and am now enjoying an espresso macchiato (a freebie I've been carrying around in my wallet in case of emergency) and feel quite content. Yes, I said it — I feel content! I finished making edits to the play last night and have a working version ready to go into rehearsal with. Mark, my director, seems happy with it and I feel like we're in a good place to build from. I completed a major task at work today that has been draining my energy for over a week, and although I know it will need a bit of tidying up once it's been checked over by a colleague, I feel quite accomplished having got the main bulk of it off my to-do list. It's the sense of space that I'm enjoying. It's the satisfaction of ticking big things off, making room for whatever comes next.
As I've reflected on the past few days, I've realised that — regardless of how much I've protested to the contrary in the past — I do take too much on. I assume that because of my broken sleeping pattern I can just fit everything in, I try to do more than the average person because I have so many more hours to fill in my day. It's this constant filling up that's putting pressure on me. I need to create space, find harmony in my day, and give myself room to have the opportunity to do things spontaneously that make me happy; like tonight's impromptu (and free!) mini-Artist's Date of dinner and coffee. I'm heading off to a singing rehearsal now feeling a lot brighter than I did when I ventured out to do the same thing on Tuesday: what a difference in just 48 hours!
This all falls back neatly to the Ten Tiny Changes task. I've listed in my journal ten changes I'd like to make for myself in the coming weeks and months, some small, some significant. The one I'm going to share here is this:-
I would like to create more space in my life to allow me to be spontaneous, to do the things I enjoy most on a whim, things that relax, refresh and re-energise me.I read Debbie's blogpost at lunchtime today with great interest. She's been up, down and all around this week too and I quickly realised that the feelings I've had this week are far from unique. They're common to all artists. She has recruited supporters and champions to Team Debbie, and I quickly realised that three people in particular motivated and encouraged me this week when I hit the wall. They are the first recruits to Team K, and I'm going to take time out to acknowledge and thank them for their support.