Today's been one of those one step forward, two steps back days. I'm behind starting Week 11 as a result—I'm smarting right now and can't concentrate on reading. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day.
K
Monday, 7 November 2011
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Week 10, Day 7 — Easy Does It
Wow. I just lost a whole day, one that ironically I'd planned to be super productive. I slept for 11 hours last night, had breakfast in bed, read for about an hour then dropped off again and napped for a further 5 hours. My body seems to have gone into catch up mode combined with seasonal hibernation. I obviously needed it.
I guess at the end of self-protection week it serves as a timely reminder to be kind to myself and recharge the batteries once in a while. I'm so used to coasting by on 2 or 3 hours a day with my insomnia that I forget it's normal to need more rest every now and then, especially this time of year when the cold dark nights are drawing in.
I'm now sitting here after 10pm with a pile of missed calls, texts, emails, 5 unchecked items on my to-do list and a target of 12,000 words between 3 different tasks I'd intended to complete today. I'm not going to do any of it, it can all wait until tomorrow. Right now I'm going to make a pot of tea, head back to bed and read Week 11's chapter of The Artist's Way, then hopefully get another full night's sleep.
Unashamedly putting myself first and not worrying one bit.
K
I guess at the end of self-protection week it serves as a timely reminder to be kind to myself and recharge the batteries once in a while. I'm so used to coasting by on 2 or 3 hours a day with my insomnia that I forget it's normal to need more rest every now and then, especially this time of year when the cold dark nights are drawing in.
I'm now sitting here after 10pm with a pile of missed calls, texts, emails, 5 unchecked items on my to-do list and a target of 12,000 words between 3 different tasks I'd intended to complete today. I'm not going to do any of it, it can all wait until tomorrow. Right now I'm going to make a pot of tea, head back to bed and read Week 11's chapter of The Artist's Way, then hopefully get another full night's sleep.
Unashamedly putting myself first and not worrying one bit.
K
Saturday, 5 November 2011
Week 10, Day 6 — Satisfactory
Today's been a satisfying day. Writing group this morning, coffees and catch ups in the afternoon, my Artist's Date, dinner with Lynn and a trip to the theatre to see friends in a very funny production. I've walked about 6 miles in between and enjoyed being out and about in a very autumnal Glasgow. I'm on the last train home feeling very tired but very happy. It's exactly the kind of day I needed to unwind after a full week.
I think I'll sleep well tonight.
K
I think I'll sleep well tonight.
K
Friday, 4 November 2011
Week 10, Day 5 — Writing Cap On
Okay, I think it's happened: the long overdue creative U-turn I've been waiting for.
I'm excited about a project!
A while back I wrote to people involved in an event that took place in the early 1950's asking if they could help me with my research, explaining my relationship to one of the people involved and laying out my motives. I've also made a few trips that I've hinted at on here to various regional archives and records offices across the country to glean background information, though so far I've kept schtum on what I've been working on as I've never quite been sure it would amount to anything.
Today I got a fantastic response from one of the gentlemen who is now in his late 70's. He has sent me 95 pages of notes, news clippings, inquest reports and diary entries spanning over a decade after the event took place. His cover letter ended with this sentence:-
At this stage in The Artist's Way I feel my confidence growing. Just a few months ago I was still a bit of a wallflower, and would have faced the thought of tackling a project of this scale with uncertainty and doubt. Now, the first questions that hit me are who am I going to pitch this to and how will I fund it if I go it alone. It's not will I get this project off the ground, it's how am I going to make it happen.
As part of this week's tasks Julia asks us to consider our artistic droughts. While I've been pottering away with my morning pages and scribbling in my notebook, I've felt like I haven't worked on anything substantial for months, other than the last minute edits to my solo show. She says droughts do end. With this much source material and insight at my disposal and with a wealth of support behind me, I feel like mine might finally be breaking.
Who am I going to pitch this to?
How will I fund it if I decide to go it alone?
How am I going to make it happen?
K
I'm excited about a project!
A while back I wrote to people involved in an event that took place in the early 1950's asking if they could help me with my research, explaining my relationship to one of the people involved and laying out my motives. I've also made a few trips that I've hinted at on here to various regional archives and records offices across the country to glean background information, though so far I've kept schtum on what I've been working on as I've never quite been sure it would amount to anything.
Today I got a fantastic response from one of the gentlemen who is now in his late 70's. He has sent me 95 pages of notes, news clippings, inquest reports and diary entries spanning over a decade after the event took place. His cover letter ended with this sentence:-
"I've never spoke about this to family, friends or the papers. I kent your Papa. He'd be proud of you for doing this."I'm so pleased to get this kind of support, and obviously feel quite moved at the personal response. I had to resist the temptation to tear right into the materials this morning as I have a busy day, but couldn't resist a sneak peek at the first diary entry. Reading it, I felt a huge wave of responsibility wash over me. It has suddenly turned in to a real, tangible, mammoth project to work on, and has the potential to be much bigger than me and my humble ambition—I just hope I can do justice when the time comes to pull my writing cap on.
At this stage in The Artist's Way I feel my confidence growing. Just a few months ago I was still a bit of a wallflower, and would have faced the thought of tackling a project of this scale with uncertainty and doubt. Now, the first questions that hit me are who am I going to pitch this to and how will I fund it if I go it alone. It's not will I get this project off the ground, it's how am I going to make it happen.
As part of this week's tasks Julia asks us to consider our artistic droughts. While I've been pottering away with my morning pages and scribbling in my notebook, I've felt like I haven't worked on anything substantial for months, other than the last minute edits to my solo show. She says droughts do end. With this much source material and insight at my disposal and with a wealth of support behind me, I feel like mine might finally be breaking.
Who am I going to pitch this to?
How will I fund it if I decide to go it alone?
How am I going to make it happen?
K
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Week 10, Day 4 — What Would Jesus Do?
It's been a funny 24 hour period. I have good things happening, I have bad things happening, I have things trying my patience (don't we all?), I have things I'm looking forward to, I have things I'm afraid of, I've had some good fortune, I've had bad luck—a whole mixed bag of stuff is going on. Most importantly, though, I've learned some important things about myself today. I won't bore you with the details (for once), but I'll admit that I do like a good lesson. ;-)
Tonight I went to meet David at his office before seeing Liz Lochhead's new play. I had a an outpouring. I needed it. And he had an ingenius solution—we asked Jesus! No, we didn't pray... he keeps one of those pink plastic Jesus dolls on his sideboard which acts as a Magic 8 ball. We asked him my most pressing questions, and the response was...
"I died for this!?"
It put a much needed smile on my face.
Liz Lochhead's play Edwin Morgan's Dreams and Other Nightmares had a few revelatory moments for me. I've long enjoyed Morgan's poetry and was fascinated to see aspects of his life played out. I identified with the period in his life when his writing dried and he 'had to wait for the good stuff to come again'—I just hope the good stuff does come at some point in my career. I also identified with some of the dream states; it would appear he too experienced lucid dreams, convinced he was falling asleep in one reality only to wake in another and play out a whole separate life. I've been there. During one of the sleep research trials I participated in for my insomnia, I underwent hypnosis and became convinced some of my more lucid dreams had actually played out. This continued into normal life and for years I've had the odd occasion when I've been part way through drinking a coffee or having a conversation with someone only to suddenly wake up in bed and discover the event wasn't actually taking place. I want to find out more about Morgan to find out if his experiences really were similar to mine or if I've simply read too far into a dramatised version of the events. Either way, I enjoyed the play tonight.
As I walked home I got to thinking; here I am, 30 years old, still trying to find my place in the world and work out who I am and what I do. Edwin Morgan was still writing into his 90's. That's another two lifetimes if I'm blessed to live to a ripe old age. Now that is inspiring.
I wonder what his response would be if I had the opportunity to ask him the same question I'd asked Jesus earlier night? Would he too exclaim "I died for this!?"
K
Tonight I went to meet David at his office before seeing Liz Lochhead's new play. I had a an outpouring. I needed it. And he had an ingenius solution—we asked Jesus! No, we didn't pray... he keeps one of those pink plastic Jesus dolls on his sideboard which acts as a Magic 8 ball. We asked him my most pressing questions, and the response was...
"I died for this!?"
It put a much needed smile on my face.
Liz Lochhead's play Edwin Morgan's Dreams and Other Nightmares had a few revelatory moments for me. I've long enjoyed Morgan's poetry and was fascinated to see aspects of his life played out. I identified with the period in his life when his writing dried and he 'had to wait for the good stuff to come again'—I just hope the good stuff does come at some point in my career. I also identified with some of the dream states; it would appear he too experienced lucid dreams, convinced he was falling asleep in one reality only to wake in another and play out a whole separate life. I've been there. During one of the sleep research trials I participated in for my insomnia, I underwent hypnosis and became convinced some of my more lucid dreams had actually played out. This continued into normal life and for years I've had the odd occasion when I've been part way through drinking a coffee or having a conversation with someone only to suddenly wake up in bed and discover the event wasn't actually taking place. I want to find out more about Morgan to find out if his experiences really were similar to mine or if I've simply read too far into a dramatised version of the events. Either way, I enjoyed the play tonight.
As I walked home I got to thinking; here I am, 30 years old, still trying to find my place in the world and work out who I am and what I do. Edwin Morgan was still writing into his 90's. That's another two lifetimes if I'm blessed to live to a ripe old age. Now that is inspiring.
I wonder what his response would be if I had the opportunity to ask him the same question I'd asked Jesus earlier night? Would he too exclaim "I died for this!?"
K
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Week 10, Day 3 — Eye Off The Ball
OH ****!!
I took my eye off the ball this week and ran square into the goal post.
Last night I wrote about being on top of things for the first time in ages, but had a niggling paranoid feeling as I was convinced I should be doing something. Turns out I was right not to feel Zen about my free time—the writing assignment I have due has a deadline of tomorrow, not next week as I originally put in my diary.
Yes, the Award for Monumental Cock-Up of the Week goes to... Me. :-/
Fingers crossed I'll be able to grab an extension, as I've now committed myself to a wee job recording vocals over the next few days seeing as I had the spare time on my hands to fit it in. Oh the irony...
In other news, I've managed to fail on almost all counts of my Bottom Line resolutions from Monday within the first 48 hours of making them. I need to try much harder this week as I'm clearly being tested; they are for my own good, it doesn't bode well to be caving in and resorting to old habits.
Meanwhile, a niggling wee voice is chewing away at the back of my head, singing "neh neh, neh neh, neeeeeh neh—told you so".
Harrumph.
K
I took my eye off the ball this week and ran square into the goal post.
Last night I wrote about being on top of things for the first time in ages, but had a niggling paranoid feeling as I was convinced I should be doing something. Turns out I was right not to feel Zen about my free time—the writing assignment I have due has a deadline of tomorrow, not next week as I originally put in my diary.
Yes, the Award for Monumental Cock-Up of the Week goes to... Me. :-/
Fingers crossed I'll be able to grab an extension, as I've now committed myself to a wee job recording vocals over the next few days seeing as I had the spare time on my hands to fit it in. Oh the irony...
In other news, I've managed to fail on almost all counts of my Bottom Line resolutions from Monday within the first 48 hours of making them. I need to try much harder this week as I'm clearly being tested; they are for my own good, it doesn't bode well to be caving in and resorting to old habits.
Meanwhile, a niggling wee voice is chewing away at the back of my head, singing "neh neh, neh neh, neeeeeh neh—told you so".
Harrumph.
K
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Week 10, Day 2 — Cinderella Complex
It's only Tuesday night and I've somehow managed to complete all of this week's tasks somewhat prematurely. I'm sitting tonight twiddling my thumbs a bit; for the first time in ages, I'm totally up-to-date with things (other than a wee writing assignment that's due in a few days, but that's under control and I'm not going to panic about it). The dishes are done, the housework's done, I've read all the blogs and news feeds I'm subscribed to. Even my inboxes are tidy—I only have 8 emails left to chase up (to put that in perspective, just 2 months ago they were in chaos with over 4,200 messages to sift through).
I'm so used to having to cram the things I need to achieve around long working hours that inevitably things get put off then rushed last minute. Now that my working hours are shorter and more leisurely, I find I've managed to get everything else done quickly. It's so unlike me that I feel really agitated, like I should be doing something, anything, just to feel productive. It's like the Cinderella Complex Julia describes in the book; work, work and more work, with only fleeting moments of dreaming about going to the ball.
I better get used to this because this is how things are going to be from now on. I need to fight the urge to be super-productive and try to relax. I'm going to go make a pot of tea and settle down to write just 750 more words to meet my target for the day, and once they're out of the way I'm going to read Act One of Taming the Shrew in prep for a Shakespeare short course I signed up for.
After that—well, I might actually go to bed early for once.
Oh my. I think I'm changing.
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)